Believe me, I don’t begrudge him his piece of cake or a jolly locker-room chorus of, “Stand up and tell us …” Actually, there’s a great deal I’d like him to stand up and tell us. And I do begrudge baseball’s reigning curmudgeon so many remarkable paeans from so many sportswriters who should know better.

Too many tripped over each other to sing Bonds’s immortal praises. Most feared batter of all time! Greatest 40-year-old player in history! I’ve watched Major League Baseball squander its greatest asset, its storied history, with cynical indifference to the whys and wherefores of modern, record-smashing performances. But I expect baseball writers to do a little better by the game and demonstrate at least a modicum of historical perspective.

Let’s start by taking those claims at face value. Most feared hitter of all time? That’s a judgment that reflects the propensity of managers to walk him so frequently. Well, let’s consider for a moment Babe Ruth. His career slugging average was .690, almost .100 higher than Bonds’s career mark, and he hit almost 200 more home runs than anyone remotely his contemporary. You think he scared a few pitchers and managers? He may not have received quite as many walks as Bonds. But do you think he might have if Pedro Feliz or Benito Santiago had batted behind him rather than Lou Gehrig?

Greatest player ever at age 40. It’s possible, though he certainly wasn’t the greatest at age 39. At 39 Ted Williams won a batting crown hitting .388, higher than Bonds has hit at any age, while finishing second in the league in home runs. At 40 he won his sixth batting crown so I think you can at least make the argument for Teddy Ballgame. Or how about a hurler? Granted that as hard as it is to compare hitters from different eras, it’s even more difficult to compare hitters with pitchers. Still, the year he turned 40 Warren Spahn won 21 games and led the league in ERA. (He was even better at 42 he went 23-7 with a 2.60 ERA.)

Of course, the comparison isn’t entirely fair. Williams and Spahn were a slightly older 40 than Bonds is today, since one suspects that serving in two wars and crashing a plane in Korea, as Williams did, or being wounded in the Battle of the Bulge, as Spahn was, might take more of a toll than a life by the San Francisco Bay. Certainly neither veteran had the benefit of the anti-aging wonders of modern science, as has Bonds with his amazing, indeed transforming, fitness and nutritional regimen. (Sadly, Williams was saddled with the “blessings” of modern science only after his death.)

I do wonder, though, as I read about Bonds and his frequent heroics on the baseball diamond, why he seems to be spared the Lance Armstrong-Marion Jones treatment. You couldn’t read about Lance during any leg of the Tour de France without being reminded that there are serious allegations out there about his use of performance-enhancing drugs. And whether Jones wins or loses on the track, her tale always includes some summation of how she is a target of the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency in the BALCO scandal. (Both Armstrong and Jones deny ever using such drugs.)

Bonds testified before the same grand jury in the very same scandal. And he was the only athlete whose personal trainer was indicted a result of that investigation. The San Francisco Chronicle has reported that Bonds’s trainer told federal investigators that he supplied Bonds illegal steroids and human-growth hormone starting in 2001. That was the year that Bonds hit a record 73 home runs, 24 more than any other year of his career. (Attorneys for both Bonds and his trainer have publicly denied these reports.)

Yet we don’t get reminded of this taint on his reputation every time Bonds hits another home run on his merry way to surpassing Hank Aaron as the game’s all-time, leader. I guess that because at age 40, Bonds is truly blessed. Unlike Armstrong and Jones, he does not compete in a sport that has demonstrated zero tolerance, but rather in one that has shown zero interest in enforcing rules against performance-enhancing drugs.

Hook, Line And Sinker

Despite the spirited effort by the Red Sox at Fenway Park last weekend, I still don’t think the Yankees have much to fear from Boston’s strangely dysfunctional team. At least not directly. Indirectly, though, I suspect Boston presents a potentially huge threat.

A few years ago, the Yankees never really bought into this rivalry stuff. How could you regard a team that never beats you as a meaningful rival? But the new Red Sox ownership, with its aggressive tactics and its “evil empire” gambit, really got George Steinbrenner’s goat. And now New York has bought into the rivalry hook, line and sinker. Make that right hook, line and sinker.

The right hook has been in evidence more than a few brawls and that “sinker” part is especially important. Red Sox-Yankees is now so ferocious that it drags both teams down, particularly the aged Yankees. I’m convinced they were totally sapped by the time they got to the Marlins in the World Series last fall, just as they were when they were swept by the Mets right after Boston left town earlier this month. The worst thing that could happen to the Yankees in the postseason would be to lose to the Red Sox. I still regard that as unlikely. But the second worst would be having to play them.

Steinbrenner’s minions are working frantically right now to bring Randy Johnson to the Bronx, thus correcting what most everyone perceives as the team’s biggest weakness–starting pitching. But I’m not sure that’s really the case. The bigger weakness may be the bullpen, even with the greatest closer in the history of the game. And Torre’s one glaring fault as a manager could prove to be New York’s undoing.

Since he doesn’t trust half his bullpen, he seriously overuses the three relievers he does. At the start of this week, the Yankees’ Paul Quantrill, Tom Gordon and Mariano Rivera, three guys who aren’t exactly spring chickens, were ranked at the top of the American Leaguer in appearances. No reliever in baseball had pitched more innings than the 35-year-old Quantrill, which showed as his fastball topped out in the mid-80s against Boston. He is on pace to pitch more innings this season than in any since 1996. Gordon, at 36 and with a history of some serious arm problems, is also on a pace to pitch his most innings since he was a starter back in 1997. Rivera, too, is on pace for a career high in appearances and his most innings since 1996. He has blown his last two save opportunities. And has his fastball ever looked quite as flat and fat as when he grooved pitch after pitch in at fatal ninth inning at Fenway?

The Yankees might go all the way with a rotation of Kevin Brown, Mike Mussina, Javier Vazquez and a rejuvenated El Duque. But the team can’t afford its bullpen, thin and already fatigued, to slip a notch. Right now, Torre has the luxury of the best record in the American League. He’s got to risk squandering a few games of that lead–by giving his bullpen studs some rest–if he hopes to deliver the World Series trophy to King George come October.